Something I’ve never fully understood is the phenomenon of the sex doll. What a person could possibly find sexually arousing about a “woman” with a fixed vapid expression, plastic breasts and a hairless minge, I do not know (and yes, I am aware that I also just described the average American porn “actress,” but I don’t see how anyone could find them attractive either). It would seem to me that the only people who would be interested in pounding away at an inanimate object with the anotomical appearance of a woman would be 12-year-old boys (since, frankly, most would probably hump a mound of warm mud given the opportunity), however most kids that age don’t have the thousands of dollars necessary to buy a sex doll.

As one would likely imagine, Japan seems to have a relatively large market for sex dolls (which the natives call “Dutch wives”) even to the extent that there are companies offering sex doll rental services (ew). Recently, while browsing the ol’ interweb, I happened upon what is probably one of the strangest examples of a sex doll that I’ve ever seen. Behold, possibly the world’s first headless, armless sex doll:

Called the seikan kusshon (erogenous cushion) in Japanese, but also possessing the English moniker “Baby Doll,” the doll is composed of 90% powder beads and 10% cotton, all housed within a skin made out of waterproof “wetsuit material” (talk about sexxxy). The doll features independently posable legs, bean bag tits and a drawstring pussy (which has got to be one of the funniest combinations of words ever), and when purchased, arrives packaged in a manguri-gaeshi pose, somewhat resembling the headless hooker I found in a cardboard box behind a dumpster on my eight birthday (yes, I’m kidding).

Variations of the Baby Doll include an underage schoolgirl version, complete with flat chest, white panties and smaller labia; an entirely limbless torso-only version, also marketed as a sleep companion; as well as a version consisting only of a cushion with orifices, which, according to the website, has a fairly large buttocks, allowing for “violent fuck” (hageshii fakku). Prices run about US$550 for the basic model, $400 for the underage, $230 for the torso and a mere $100 for the orifice cushion.

To anyone with a fetish for making sweet love to headless stuffed animals, this is the doll for you.