I took the day off from work today. For some reason, I haven’t quite fully recovered since my trip to Nara last month, and this morning I woke up with a fever and felt like crap so I called in sick. Although it was great being able to sleep for most of the day and to relax during the time that I wasn’t sleeping, I honestly can’t say I feel that much better. Oh well, it was nice not having to go to work, at least.

My apologies for the lack of posts recently. I haven’t been feeling well, work has been quite busy, and I’ve been a bit occupied with other things. Hopefully I can get back into the flow of posting again shortly.

In the meantime, here are three photos of typical Japanese countryside views taken in Nara earlier this month:

Last week, my company installed a time card reader in the office where I work, effectively allowing The Man to monitor my every move (those goddamned fascists!). Lame jokes aside, the introduction of the use of time cards has allowed me to bear witness to a certain curious behavior that I had seen in previous offices here in Japan, but had completely forgotten about: people getting up out of their desks at the official end of working hours, swiping their time cards, and then sitting back down and continuing on with their work.

You see, ever since I’ve been working here, the powers that be in the upper echelons of my company have been trying to reduce the sheer amount of overtime that is racked up each month. The continued stagnation of the Japanese economy has left nearly all firms looking for ways to reduce costs, and with labor costs being most companies’ largest expenses, they are the primary target. However, the catch is that while employers are eager to reduce the amount of overtime wages they pay, they don’t want their employees to actually work any less.

The result is what is known as saabisu zangyo — “service” or voluntary unpaid overtime. Japanese law forbids companies from not giving compensation for overtime work, however despite the fact that the average employee works anywhere from 2-5 hours of overtime each day, companies don’t want to have to pay for it. Thus, the employees, demonstrating their fierce loyalty to the company and reflecting the comprehensive conditioning they underwent during their formative years, take it upon themselves to limit their documented work hours, all the while working far beyond the conditions stated in their contracts. It may sound utterly ridiculous to the average Westerner, but to the employee of a Japanese company, the benefits of such behavior (being seen as a team player, a higher likelihood of promotion, good comradery with colleagues, etc.) far outweigh the downsides (less contact with family members, increased stress, reduced personal time, etc.).

Of course, none of this actually applies to me, since I’m only a keiyaku shain (contract employee) and thus my contract is similar to that of a manager (i.e., the work must get done no matter what), meaning that all of my overtime is saabisu. However, the positive side of my situation is that I exist somewhat outside of the standard company organization, so unlike everyone else, I don’t have to dedicate my entire life to the company. It sure would be nice to get paid for the full amount of work that I do, but on the other hand, I have a life outside the office, which is more than I can say for most of my colleagues.

Anyhow, it’s the end of the week and I’m beat. Too much zangyo, once again. To anyone who’s interested in reading more, here’s an article about unpaid overtime in Japan, as well as one about what it’s like as a foreigner to work for a Japanese company. Fun stuff.

Love food? Love naked women? Well, if you’re looking to combine the two for an exceptionally titillating dining experience, don’t go to China:

China’s State Administration of Industry and Commerce issued a notice this weekend banning meals served on naked bodies, officially canceling the service offered by a restaurant in southwestern China that served sushi on unclothed female university students, a Beijing newspaper reported Sunday. [LINK]

The practice of eating raw fish off the body of an unclad woman is called nyotaimori in Japanese, and despite the fact that it’s apparently a rich Japanese tradition, opportunities to partake in this lovely cultural marvel are now quite scarce. I certainly haven’t had the good fortune of dining off the succulent bare flesh of a ravishing young nymph — actually, the closest I’ve ever come has been dining on the succulent bear flesh of a ravaging young cub (*rimshot*). Most likely, just like no-pan shabu-shabu, the few remaining establishments have gone underground, and one must have the contacts and the moolah (both of which I am sorely lacking) to indulge in their services.

Here’s one of the few articles about nyotaimori that I could find in English (although I imagine most of it is blatantly made up), and here’s a Japanese site with a veritible shopping list of what one needs to partake in such a feast as well as some diagrams detailing how to aesthetically arrange the food on a woman’s body.

It’s a shame that the Chinese government had to go and ruin all the fun. “Insults people’s moral quality,” blah blah blah. I honestly don’t see the harm, as long as all parties are willing participants and proper hygiene is observed. Stupid commies.

One of the great things about living in Tokyo is that you never know what you might find when you wander around the different districts of the city. Something that I’ve always enjoyed doing on days when the weather is nice and I don’t have any plans is donning my jodhpurs and pith helmet and setting out with my trusty elephant gun at the ready to valiantly explore new neighborhoods. A cracking good time, I tell you.

One particularly fun place to visit for an hour or two is Kappabashi Dogu-gai, located in between Ueno and Asakusa, where one can find block after block of restaurant supply stores selling everything from kitchenware to neon signs to plastic food display models. There you can wander in and out of shops overflowing with anything a person would ever need to open up a restaurant (well, aside from actual food, that is), as well as seek out the many depictions of kappa (a kind of folkloric water creature) scattered throughout the area.

Judy and I made a visit to Kappabashi relatively recently (I gave my stalwart mahout the day off), and here a few photos from that afternoon:

Amazingly, although I was extremely tempted, I did manage to make it out of Kappabashi without having purchased any of the plastic food models. They’re actually quite pricey, and frankly, there’s not much one can do with an incredibly realistic replica of a piece of tempura shrimp other than try to trick people into eating it, which would probably get old rather quickly (I have a hard enough time making friends as is, on account of my ungodly body odor and chronic incontinence).

I’ve mentioned previously my fianceé Judy’s unhealthy endearing addiction to Korean dramas, and the subsequent obsession with all things Bae Yong Joon-related that developed as a result. Well, fans of the genre will be pleased to know that she has since been branching out to dramas featuring actors other than Yon-sama (most recently, Stairway to Heaven, starring Kwon Sang Woo and Choi Ji Woo), as well as starting to explore the wider arena of Korean cinema.

Thus, over the weekend, we hit the video store and rented the 2001 romantic comedy My Sassy Girl on the recommendation one of Judy’s friends. I hadn’t even heard of the film prior to renting it, but based on my past experience with Korean dramas, I figured that it would be just another sappy melodrama filled with forbidden love, overbearing parents and lots of tears.

Well, actually, all of those elements did play a part in the storyline, however, I was pleasantly surprised to discover that the film was vastly different from what I had expected. In fact, I found it to be downright entertaining! Sure, there were certainly moments bordering on melodramatic, but the barrage of comedic scenes coupled with the superb acting on the part of both Cha Tae-hyun and Jun Ji-hyun made the quirky film thoroughly enjoyable from beginning to end.

Now, seeing as this film is already four years old, and as I’m not one to blather on about plot lines, dramatic intent or any of that, I’ll just say that I recommend this film to anyone looking for something different from the usual Hollywood schlock. Sure, it might not be everyone’s cup of tea, but for fans of Asian cinema, I believe it’s definitely worth a viewing.

Incidentally, while reading up about the film after watching it, I learned that Dreamworks has already purchased the US remake rights, and the American version will be directed by Bend It Like Beckham director, Gurinder Chadha, and possibly star Rachael Leigh Cook in the titular role. Like most American remakes, I imagine that the end result will likely be a steaming pile of doo-doo (see: The Office), but that’s Hollywood for you (i.e., pander to the lowest common denominator by including as many explosions, tit shots and fart jokes as possible).

I’m tempted commence with a rant about American audiences’ inability to appreciate subtlety, but I reckon that it’s about time I shut the hell up. Therefore, I shall do just that, and leave you, dear readers, with the pitiful photos below taken recently at a kaiten zushi (conveyor belt sushi) joint here in Tokyo. Kaiten zushi shops are one of my favorite places to eat in Japan, as they’re quick and cheap, yet oh-so delicious (assuming it’s a decent place that serves fresh fish).

Actually, I could really go for some sushi right now. . . .

If there is any one thing for which Japan can be said to be the most abundant nation in the world, it is surely old people. No matter where you go in this country — from the busiest train station in Tokyo to the smallest village in the most remote countryside — you are bound to see droves of elderly citizens wearily shuffling about, their hunched frames and bow legs a harrowing reminder of what inevitably lies in store for all of us (well, those of us who subsist on a substandard diet, anyhow).

Naturally, as people age and their bodies wither and their minds deteriorate, many often come to require assistance from professional caregivers. The challenge therein lies in the fact that most people eager to establish a career in geriatric support services have little practical experience with the responsibilities involved, such as touching weird old people skin, listening to stories about life in the days before the invention of the automobile, and cleaning up “accidents.”

Thankfully, Sakamoto Model, one of Japan’s leading providers of medical training equipment, has a unique product that allows individuals studying to be caregivers the opportunity for hands-on experience without having to interact with actual old people. Say hello to Koharu-san:

According to the manufacturer, the doll, which features a highly realistic detailed appearance, composition and range of movement, was designed “to help people understand the necessity of tenderness and affection when nursing.” Of course, to individuals such as myself with the maturity level of grade school children, the most amusing aspect of Koharu-san is the following highly-advanced feature:

It is possible to practice not only assistance in excretion using a stool or toilet, but also in removing excrement from the anus.

Tee hee.

The full details and specifications of this wonderful training apparatus can be found here.

Sadly, having intimate knowledge of the truly abysmal depths of the depravity of human nature, I have no doubt that someone, somewhere is putting Koharu-san’s “durable yet easy-to-handle skin material,” Kung-Fu grip, and widely opening hip joints to use in a manner other than the one intended. A “mature” love doll, if you will.

Ew.

Now let’s all share a collective shudder and do our best to erase any images that may have developed in our mind during the reading of the paragraph above.

Well, I’m back from Osaka. Actually, due to a last-minute change of plans, I ended up spending the majority of the time in nearby Nara prefecture, but that worked out just as well.

The people I went to visit are basically my family here in Japan. . . my family in the States has had a relationship with them for over forty years, since my mother and the father here in Japan became pen pals when they were in primary school. Letters and gifts have been exchanged, various relatives have visited back and forth, and since coming to Japan, I’ve been fortunate enough to get to know them quite well, and they are all incredibly wonderful people.

The reason for the change in plans, however, was due to a rather unfortunate accident. Late one night last month, the father was walking along the side of the road, returning home from a reunion with some old friends, when he was suddenly struck down by a drunk driver. Luckily, the extent of his injuries weren’t as bad as they could have been, but he did suffer from a shattered kneecap, tibia and fibula, as well as a broken tooth from when he landed on the windshield. I visited him in the hospital several times during my visit and he’s doing quite well. After having to wear a cast covering nearly his entire leg for the past month, he’s now undergoing rehabilitation and is expected to fully recover within a year.

In addition to the hospital visits (which were actually kind of fun, since his entire family seems to find it hilarious that he got hit by a car, and everyone, including him, cracks jokes about it), my holiday was spent hanging out and relaxing, and playing with the adorable granddaughter (who seemed to regard me only as her personal plaything à la Richard Pryor in The Toy). The high points of the trip were probably the day Judy visited from her grandma’s house in Kobe, the afternoon spent digging up bamboo shoots in the forest behind the mother’s family home and the night out at karaoke with two of the daughters.

The low points were the terrible cold that I caught right before the holiday that left me with the runniest nose that I’ve ever experienced for the entire duration of the visit, and my drunken rendition of The Real Slim Shady by Eminem at the repeated urging of the youngest daughter during the aforementioned karaoke night (luckily the obscene amount of alcohol consumed that evening has left most of the memory gone from my mind, however what remains shall haunt me with unescapable shame until the end of my days).

As was expected, since returning to Tokyo, I’ve been absolutely swamped with work. In addition to my usual tasks, I’ve just been assigned to be actively involved with our operations in India in response to some recent developments at our joint venture over there, and this has left me busier than ever (I’m in need of another vacation already).

Thanks for putting up with the random photos while I was away. . . perhaps I’ll just do that again on occasion when I can’t be arsed to write a proper post. For the time being, however, I’ll try to keep up with regular posting as time allows, despite the poor quality that you’ve all no doubt come to expect.

And here is the last of the random crappy photos:

Hopefully I’ll come up with something to write about after I get back from Osaka (although it will no doubt be the customary worthless drivel).

But for now, it’s time to get some sleep before I catch the shinkansen tomorrow. Adieu!

A complete waste of film:

Sometimes you just can’t help dozing off on the train.

It’s embarrassing when you’re snoring loudly with your mouth wide open, though.

I don’t care much for cats. There are far too many of the mangy varmints slinking around Tokyo.

Uh, yeah. . . don’t have much to add to that. I’m sleepy.

A scene from Sogo Park in Koga, Ibaraki during the peach blossom season.

As I’ve mentioned previously, the hanami season in Japan is a time for people to get outside for the first time in months and drink themselves silly. A good time is had by all.

Of course, people — especially those of the aged variety — also enjoy activities that don’t involve soiling themselves in public. Here are some examples: