Oh, sweet irony. How you make me chuckle with glee and cry with misery at the same time.

Here was the scene yesterday morning:

It was about 8:30 a.m., and I was on the Yamanote line heading to work. As the train neared Shibuya station, the usual announcement played, stating that the doors would be opening on the right side and that there is a gap between the door of the train and the platform, so proper caution should be taken when exiting the train. At that moment, the following half-thought popped into my otherwise haven’t-had-my-coffee-yet brain-dead mind:

“Why do they always announce that there’s a gap between the door and the platform? Surely, everyone on this train has ridden on trains countless times before and is well aware of the presence of the gap. Is it really necessary to announce it at every single stop?”

As the train came to a stop, I made my way through the crowd towards the door. Suddenly, at the precise moment that I placed my left foot on the metal edge of the doorway (which was wet with rain) in preparation to extend my right towards the platform, I received a sharp shove from behind by an impatient fellow commuter. My foot promptly slipped off the edge of the doorway, and sure enough, down into the gap my left leg dropped. My body fell forward and a loud thwack! resounded as the palms of my hands hit the ground to stop my fall, sending my umbrella into the legs of the man in front of me.

I quickly stood back up without missing a beat and noticed through the corner of my eyes that every head in the immediate area was turned in my direction. At that point, I did the only thing a person can do in such a situation: hobbled away as quickly as possible without looking anyone in the eye.

Upon reflection, I realized that perhaps those “mind the gap” announcements aren’t such a bad idea after all. Now, if they only they had a “NO PUSHING, YOU MISERABLE CUNTS” announcement to go along with it, my commute might be slightly less unpleasant.