Wow, I can’t tell you how goddamned wonderful it is to see a country for which I once had pride and respect being overtaken by right-wing conservative whackjobs. Way to go America!

Sarcasm aside, this country is seriously headed in a dangerous direction. The last time I was back here visiting, the big story on the news was the momentary exposure of Janet Jackson’s nipple on live TV — one of the most un-noteworthy non-events ever broadcast on national television. I saw the flash when it originally aired during the Super Bowl and it was nothing more than a brief WTF moment providing a bit of a chuckle in between ads featuring a horse releasing flaming flatulence on the face of an unsuspecting woman and old dudes talking about their rock-hard, multi-day-spanning boners.

Earlier this week, The Smoking Gun posted letters received by the FCC in response to the aforementioned nipple-revealing event. With a good number of them beginning with the line “I’m not a prude, but . . .”, the letters reveal just how brainwashed so many Americans are with nutty puritanical beliefs.

For example, one writer decries the national news media as being “anti American, anti Christian, [and] pro death for babies and seniors” and another laments about the entire halftime entertainment show consisting of “songs about Scotch, Methadone, Pimping, F–cking, and partying and having sex with anyone you can find” (which simply sounds like a fun Saturday night to me).

Further revealing the lunacy and perversion present in the mind of the average Bible-thumper, another writer proposes, “Maybe next years Superbowl can include Dr. Ruth and a discussion on group sex and Madonna humping a football.” Another writes “It starts out with just one boob at the half-time show and in a few years half the population will be walking around naked” (the religious right sure do love their slippery slope arguments).

The funniest aspect to me was that many of the writers expressed their concern that the rest of the world will think that the United States is a nation devoid of morals, yet ironically, America is one of the most religious countries on the planet, rapidly approaching Taliban-esque levels of religious extremism as the years go by.

There were also a number of letters from people expressing their outrage over the outrage over the Super Bowl boobie exposure, one of which managed to mention not only “galloping gazungas” and “camel toes” in a single sentence, but also ended with the line, “Pull the pine cone out of your collective butts, you bunch of misguided uptight puritans.” Even more humorously, one letter even posed the question, “Aren’t breasts a major food source for young children?” (in addition to being a source of entertainment for males of all ages).

The Smoking Gun website also features letters to the FCC regarding an episode of the daytime talk show Oprah on the topic of teen sexuality, in which the act of salad tossing (or “oral sex with the butt” as one angry viewer described it) was discussed in graphic detail. There weren’t as many comedic gems to be found in those letters, however the most hilarious one by far said simply this:

The Oprah show described with graphic detail a sexual term known as “tossing salad.” It was so offensive that my child’s head literally exploded. Please ban free speech so this never happens again.

It’s good to know that at least some people in this country still have a sense of humor.