Well, I made it back to California safe and sound. After a hectic morning of packing and tying up all of the loose ends, I bid a sad farewell to Judy and headed to the airport. Like many people, traveling always puts me in a foul mood. The urgency and expected delays aside, there’s just something about being in such close proximity to masses of people that really rubs ones face in the true pathetic nature of human beings.

Maybe it’s because I’m in a state of complete exhaustion and barely awake, but I just have to get a few things off my chest about people’s annoying behavior when traveling (please bear with me):

• When boarding a plane, the idea is to get everyone inside as quickly as possible. Therefore, you need to stow your carry-on baggage as fast as you can and get the fuck of the aisle so others can pass. I don’t care if you absolutely need to get your neck pillow, your bottle of water and your favorite paperback out of your bag before you can sit down; the reason that the people standing behind you waiting to get to their seats are giving you looks that suggest that they hate you is because they do.
• Despite the fact that you get to stay up late and watch movies, an overnight flight is not a sleepover party. There’s no excuse for grown adults to go about in public in pajamas and stocking feet.
• If you need to get up to go the lavatory right before the meal service begins, don’t come back and force the flight attendants to move their cart 10 feet back so you can get to your seat and then demand your meal. It’s not their fault that the aisles are so narrow; maybe if your ass wasn’t so damn fat, you might be able to squeeze past them.
• Don’t be the asshat who opens his window shade in the middle of the flight while everyone else in the darkened cabin is trying to sleep. I don’t care how pretty the cloud are, if you do it again, you will get hurt.
• To the people who jump up out of their seats the moment the plane touches down on the tarmac, I have one question: What the fuck is your hurry? You know damn well that it’s going to be at least another 15 minutes before they even open the doors, and besides, us poor folks in the back aren’t going anywhere for a long time.

Okay. . . now that I’ve got that out of my system, I’m pleased to say that it’s good to be back home. Today I was able to chat with my parents for a bit and catch up, drive a car for the first time in nine months and even eat some yummy Butter Rum Lifesavers. Life is good. It was hard saying goodbye to Judy, but in a way it’s fun to talk on the phone again like the old days.

All right, methinks it’s time for me to go back to sleep. It’s a quarter past seven in the morning and I’ve been up since 3:30. Jet lag sucks balls.