Well, I found out the results of my TOEIC exam today. Unfortunately, despite being a university-educated native English speaker, I did not receive a perfect score. Hence, from this day forth until the day that I cease to exist on this earth, I will carry around the shame of my failure like a severely disabled evil Siamese twin whose encumbering mangled form frightens small children and eliminates all chances of intimacy with members of the opposite sex (or the same sex, for that matter).

Thankfully, however, I did manage to get the highest score in the company. . . so it looks like I at least still have a job (I hope).

Actually, because I got the highest score in the company, I was contacted by the General Affairs Department and asked to write up a brief statement offering my advice for the best ways to go about studying a foreign language to be sent out to everyone who took the exam. So yes, because I got a relatively high score on a test of THE LANGUAGE THAT I HAVE SPOKEN MY ENTIRE LIFE, I am now the expert on studying foreign languages. Funny how that works.

Well, all I can say is that it’s a darn good thing that no one in my company knows that there’s also a Japanese proficiency test. . . .